http://www.todaysletters.com/ is about the life of a young married couple and all the trials and tribulations it took to get their relationship and marriage where it is today. Being engaged, and soon to be married, Sam and I often find ourselves questioning our decision not to do marriage counseling and instead relying on our relationship, friends and family to be there for us as we grow and spend the rest of our lives together. I definitely suggest scrolling through their blog and listening to the ReENGAGE message they give. It is only an excerpt but leaves you wanting to hear more. On their anniversary the couple spent time reflecting the past years of their relationship. They came up with a list of 10 Things That Have Made All The Difference in their marriage.
1. Tuesday Night Questions: They ask the same 4 questions every Tuesday night and they feel these questions have made a huge difference in how they love and serve one another throughout the week. How did you feel loved this past week? What does your upcoming week look like? How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead? How would you best feel pursued in intimacy this week?
2. A Small Metal Box: The couple made a pact that each time they made love they would put a dollar in the special metal box and save it for their 50th anniversary trip. They feel this has been a great way to creatively pursue intimacy with one another. The only advice they give is to not count the money in your box...Focus on QUALITY, not quantity.
3. Traveling Journal: They take turns writing in this journal, hiding it for the other one to find in unexpected places. It's been found duct taped to the shower, in suitcases when traveling, even in the refrigerator. They feel this is a great way to verbally affirm and encourage one another.
4. They (try and) Conflict Well: Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but they believe it exists to make you better, not bitter. Share disappointments and hurts. They say it isn't easy but it's necessary in maintaining marital oneness.
5. Play Together: Be active as husband and wife. Throw a Frisbee, fly a kite, go on walks, build forts together, playing together will help find your inner child. Being active can be romantic. It will keep you connected both physically and emotionally.
6. Pray Together: One of their favorite ways to end the day is by praying together. Pray for your friends, family and for wisdom in your marriage. This will help you stay spiritually connected.
7. Celebrate Each Other: Make a big deal out of anniverseries, birthdays, holidays, and even smaller personal accomplishments. Be each other's biggest fans.
8. Don't Do Marriage Alone: Your friends will be incrediably helpful in showing you some bigger issues in marriage. It wont be easy to share your struggles, because of pride and embarassment, but realize that most couples will be struggling with the same thing.
9. Greatest Gift (Self Work): The greatest gift to give each other is to know yourself. Work through your family junk. Attack your problems together, instead of attacking each other about your problems.
10. Study One Another: Someone once told them that no matter how long you've dated your spouse, the day you get married you're essentially committing your life to a total stranger. There was so much they didn't know about each other even after 5 years. Interview your spouse regularly.
Bonus 10b. Dude Time/ Girl Time: They feel that sometimes one of the best things your can do for your marriage is to spend time apart. Take a trip with the guys, have a weekend with the girls. It is crucial to your overall mental health and well being.
OK WELL THAT WAS A LONG POST! But I wanted everyone to hear this advice. It seems fun and that it would keep your relationship energetic.
"Great Marriages Take Lots and Lots of Hard Work."
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